10th November 2008

Dear Love,
what I am about to say might hurt you really bad but I feel that sincerity is what it really takes to make a relationship work. Truth hurts those who hear but it hurts those who speak the more because they participate in your pain. This said, I supposed after letting my heart out I won't feel better than I was. I may even regret ever telling you but all the same, I wish to do it. They best things in life are also always the most difficult to achieve and I hope you'll understand how much it has cost me to sit down today and turn my feelings on a paper.

I judge shallow minds but I am shallow too. I jugde those who judge based on appearance but I am a hypocrite because I have also done the same: with you. The first time I saw you, I was like "Oh my God!". Why? You weren't too appealing. I wasn't very pleased when you asked if the seat near me was available because your presence was quite disturbing. I told my friends and even got a not so good nickname for you. However irony of life is that one day I'll come to you to ask for something. Do you know my surprise when I saw it was you? I have never told you, never have i apologized for my misconception, but I do regret ever being so wicked. "We'll never know", we say and we are right. Never in my wildest dream have I thought I'd sit one day close to you, talk to you and even find you interesting to be with. It happened.

Now, during those long and neverending lessons, I take advantage of every second to steal a glance at you. You'd be surprised to know I think you have pretty lips. In addition you are also smart. The best.

How do I feel now? Not better or worse because these words will remain unspoken and this letter undelivered. I feel guilty for even thinking about you and I don't hope for any attention for you, even though my heart cries for a smile from you.

Anyways I'll take this as a lesson. Never judge! Never! no matter who the person is, never do that. And even if you do, always add a but because that's what I forgot to do or rather, in my ignorance I didn't do.

First I disliked you, then I liked you, now I love you. Funny isn't it? And you won't even know about it. All alone will I carry this burden. But who knows? You might one day catch me looking at you with sweet eyes, or notice a slight difference between my tone of voice when talking to you and when talking to others. Maybe, maybe. You might and be indifferent.

These thoughts drive me crazy but i can't help it. I must think about you because i just can't do otherwise. And the moment your name appears on my mind, all these guilts and regrets and sadness will resume at once. What a sad love.

I am sad because I can't have you because if I did I'll have to tell you everything. And how could I bear seeing you so hurt? I'd rather let my emotions lie. That's the best solution. But all the same I want you to know that I won't give you cold shoulders to hide my sentiments. On the contrary I wish to even improve and maybe we can become tighter friends. I know I have a lot of rivals. A little bird told me you are the most wanted smart guy in the class. Nonetheless you have got 3 best friends?

I won't give up. I am very good at befriending people you know. No no! Not in that sense, I mean becoming friends. Ohhh! Seems I have swung mood. Now you know I am lunatic.

I keep typing because I don't know how I can end this letter. So should I terminate with an incomplete sentence? Because that seems to be the only idea I have right now. Ok! Let me try.

I have told you about then and about now, and my feelings. I don't know how you may react and I don't even wish to allure a series of mechanism that might lead to a worse situation so I'll just be content to have been able to write this and be satisfied of it without any further expectation. But if one day you read this letter, will you be able to forgive me and see me as you have always one?

I hope we'll still be friends and maybe, spilled the truth you'll,

But now I am happy just like this.

Love you,
your dearest secret admirer.

24th October 2008

Dear Love,

yes love! This word has always been fascinating to me. I had my first crush at 10. Cried for the first time at 14. Had my first boyfriend at 16. I have evolved and in such a short period of time. There have been bitter and sweet experiences but I won't cry over split milk, maybe because if I could turn back the hand of time, I'd do it all over again.

I am a young woman now. 19 to be precise and I now see that feeling through different eyes. I don't shiver again when I hear your name, neither do I feel the butterflies in my stomach. Rather I smile sheepishly when I remember your face.

I say to myself: "How did we get here?" We were friends and now we are inseparable lovers. I don't just look at you as a man, but, first of all, as a human being who deserves my respect. Then I see you as a friend who is worth my trust and my secrets. Then finally I see you as my companion. The person whom at the end of the day I'll always turn to.

When I was 10 I just say the marvellous smile and eyes my first crush had. Then at 14 I admired the second's cheerfulness and his looks. At 16 I lust after a gentle smile and the first hand ever to have taken me out of my life as a teenage to life as it was for real independently from the way I observed it.

Now my lover, you are not just a guy with a cute smile, or with good looks or with a radiant personality. You are that special person who for the very first time has seen the lady that I am. Who talks to me as you would to your age mate. You don't discharge my opinions as those of a child, rather you listen like there were the most important things to you. What could make me feel more lady than this? In your words to me I find the confirm that afterall, my past experiences haven't been so futile. I can see that I have really grown as, for who you are, only a lady can stand by your side without feeling intimidated by the challenges of life.

I know that you have also come a long way in your life but we are together now. Both with something to teach the other. We'll learn from each other and continue our growth together. I as a lady and you as a gentleman. We'll be a woman and a man someday. And when we are old we shall look at our old photographs and recollect each steps we have made to where we'll be then.

To say I love you is lame and to say I wish to continue this path with you seems even lamer. But whatelse could my heart shout now? I am in love, really in love. Not just "in crush" nor "in lust". I'd like to come out in the streets and shout "I have found him. He is mine and I am his. Together, hand in hand, we'll walk through the narrow path of life and at the end we shall toast to our conquered dreams".

However, in as much as I long to make the world listen to my confessions, I'll keep these words secret deep inside me and this letter inside my drawer under loads of other papers, but it will never be confused with the rest as it emanates a sweet sensation, different from those emotionless sheets packed in there.

Today it's just one, but tomorrow they'll be two until they are infinite just like the days we'll spend together.

And the day we finally toast to our success I will bring them out and read them with the same passion I have used in writing them and I will look at your eyes as they fill with tears. We'll then kiss and reveal our unspoken words. Who know? Perhaps you might start your collections of letters and hide them between my files. I look forward to that day.

With love,
Your lady and your most sincere secret admire.